John Dies at the End | ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Review

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⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

John Dies at the End

Written by David Wong

Published August 2007 by Permuted Press

#Horror, #Thriller, #Humor, #Fantasy, #Paranormal

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Ok, the first thing I'm going to tell you is DON'T READ THIS POST. Seriously, don't do it. You'll all be much safer and much happier if you turn close this browser, walk away from your computer, and never find out about the Soy Sauce or the Spiders or how we might all die.You stopped reading right?

Fuck.

Alright, alright. If you're going to go ahead and read this I should at least be here to keep you as safe as you're going to be. Also, the implications of you reading a post I had written without me having stayed on the post long enough to write it is troubling to say the least.

John Dies at the End (A Super Special Meander of a Review )

So basically, shit goes down right from the start, and we're tossed headlong into the insane day-to-day life of David Wong: occasional inexplicable savior of life as we know it. It's weird, it's dark, heads occasionally explode, and it is almost disturbingly funny. Like, nothing from this earth should be this entertaining. It had to have been grown in a test tube on some demi-plane just west of the Plane of Sentient Tumors, tended to constantly by small, loris-like creatures since before time began. Probably.

It's 400 pages of strange, crazed momentum and if you think too hard about most of those events your brain will begin to bleed. It's aware of its own contradictions, explaining some after the fact, and leaving others to confound you late at night when normal people are asleep, but you're just lying there wondering whether John ever actually dies, and if he does, just how many times did it happen? If you let it go (just let it go, there's no winning that fight) then this book is just short of flawless, and throughout it all it remains completely endearing. You will love these characters. Even when they give every indication to being assholes who may or may not have once punted pan-dimensional kittens you will forgive them every wrong. I'm not entirely sure why, but I'm almost positive it's because they're funny.

This book is not perfect though. I can say with utter confidence that there is probably one too many fart jokes in this book. Maybe. Like, there wasn't anything wrong with any of them, but I give a quota of two fart jokes a book, max. But that's just me.

I'm going to stop talking now, because if you have not already run to the nearest bookstore or are waiting impatiently but lovingly for me to finish before you run off to the nearest bookstore, then no number of words I write will change your mind. Go on you magnificent bastards, you've gotta experience this one on your own. Godspeed.